Today, I was in awe of the sky.

Zoom in on those clouds.

Look at their details.

It was absolutely mesmerizing.

Such beautiful clouds.

And although I kept driving,

they still remained very far away.

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As you can see, there is a dark cloud overhead too. I got to thinking how this view is very representative of our lives. It’s so easy to focus on all the bad and the ugly and the scary in the here and now. We walk around with dark clouds over us. We get muddied down by the trials of the day to day. We forget to look ahead into that glorious light.

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I mean, seriously, LOOK at those clouds! (I know, I have an iPhone 7. You’ve seen better pictures, I’m sure 🙃)

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But really,

if this moment,

this day,

this week,

this month,

this year

has been feeling a lot like that dark cloud for you, I pray that you will take a moment to look up and out.

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The God who created those beautiful clouds has prepared a place for you too. And it’s even more glorious than anything we could imagine.

But, as it is written, What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

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In a year that is quite unpredictable

In an election season that has us all on edge

In the middle of a pandemic

In the year 2020

would you just look at the clouds?!

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Would you take a second to S T O P and to remind yourself of the promises of God?

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•The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

•But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

•And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

•He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. (2 Corinthians 1:21-22 )

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Hold TIGHT to these truths, friends.

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And then let’s turn around and truly embody Micah 6:8 as His people:

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly

To love mercy

To walk humbly with your God.

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Remember that He has called you here for such a time as this.

Love God, love people…yes, all people.

And check out those clouds. 💙

A lot of people have been asking how I’ve lost weight. I would love to share with you what has worked for me, but before I do that…I feel lead to say that your outward appearance doesn’t solely define who you are. Your Creator defines who you are. “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16) We are called to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice (Romans 12) and to honor God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 6). So, yes. It is good to work on your physical health. It is good to rid yourself of gluttony. It is good to gain self-control and gain confidence. It is good to challenge yourself to be better and do better. But I want to encourage you…don’t neglect your spiritual health in the process. You aren’t going to feel any better if you’re toned and fit if Jesus isn’t in your midst. And while I do appreciate the compliments about losing weight, I’d much rather hear, “I see Jesus in you.” Our bodies have the potential for the Holy Spirit to dwell (1 Corinthians 3)!!! 🙌🏻 So, be sure that the confidence you’re gaining is from the truths He speaks over your life, that it is from a confidence that only the Holy Spirit can empower. What He says about us matters way more than how we view our reflection in the mirror or what another person says about our physical appearance. “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8).

How I lost almost 60lbs:

**This is what worked for me. It might not work for you! Every body is different. I am no expert and I’m not trying to promote any product or service!**

I lost all of my weight from “dieting” (I also really dislike that word!). The weight I dropped after having my daughter last July was from solely changing my lifestyle and surprisingly it wasn’t from working out. (I’ll get to the working out part in a minute!)

I do intermittent fasting and most days, without meaning to. I know, I know— who forgets to eat? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️ I’m more concerned with feeding two other hungry girls! In the mornings, I have my coffee with almond milk creamer and Splenda and I (try) to drink water until lunch time. Anywhere from 12-2, I will eat a healthy lunch. A couple hours later, or whenever I’m hungry, I’ll have a healthy snack and then we’ll have a healthy dinner in the evening. I’m usually done eating for the day between 8-9pm. Our meals consists of no bread, little to no dairy, lots of meat, lots of veggies, fruit, etc. I rarely ever eat potatoes and I try to stick with gluten free options as well. I love spinach salad so I load a salad with meat and veggies and use a low fat dressing most days for lunch. Kind bars are my favorite go-to sweet snack. Some days, I’ll have a chocolate, peanut butter & banana protein shake to curb my sweet tooth. (Use pb powder instead of pb out of jar!) I love protein packs from Kroger that have meat, cheese & nuts in them. I eat hard boiled eggs and budding beef packs as snacks too. Almonds are also a delicious snack. My husband grills our dinner most nights and he can give you all the recipes for delicious veggies & meats if you’d like. 😋

A couple years ago, I tracked all of my calories in the my fitness pal app. It is beneficial if you haven’t ever tracked things before and keeps you on target. I don’t have to track anymore because I have a better idea of what I should say yes or no to.

I do have “treat days” where we go to East End Double Dip for ice cream! I love pizza so I have days where I eat that too. I don’t deprive myself from having Diet Coke. If I want one, I have one. If I want an iced coffee, I usually order a skinny vanilla latte with almond milk. 😋😋 I’ve also made a conscience effort to drink more water. Pro tip: order water when you’re out to eat. You save $ & consume more beverage when you’re eating.

For the first several months, this is how I dropped all my weight. I lead a pretty active life, so I am sure running around all the time aided in losing it, but I wasn’t doing any working out. I decided since I lost the weight, I’d like to tone up a bit, so I got beach body on demand (through Krista Hopkins- she’s amazing! 🎉) & participated in the 21 day fix. I saw results…nothing extremely drastic, but felt more toned. I decided to try out PiYo and found this is really beneficial for my body type. I do a PiYo workout on average, every other day. Now that I’m working out, my clothes are fitting a lot looser & I can consume more food if I am going to work some of those calories off!

^^That was my journey over the last 9 months in a nutshell. Please don’t hesitate to ask any more specific questions or please feel free to share what has worked for you!

We’re in this together! Stay the course. 🙏🏻

💜Taylor

P.S. I do have “results” pics that I’d be glad to send to any lady if you would find encouragement & motivation in seeing them, but didn’t feel comfortable posting publicly. 😊

A couple of months ago, we were on our way to Ruby’s preschool. Ruby got a firm talking to on the way to school because we were late. She had been piddling & I had to repeat myself…lot. We talked about how she needed to pay attention when I ask her to do things and how I expect the same behavior at school. 

We worked on counting and abc’s and then I explained that she’d have an assessment at kindergarten round up and that she really needs to try to focus at school and not be distracted. After that, I asked if she wanted to lead us in prayer. 

She said yes and prayed she wouldn’t be distracted and that she’d be able to focus. After she finished praying, she said:
“If God does that miracle, I won’t be astracted.”

Isn’t that so true though? It sometimes takes a miracle for us to be able to focus and get rid of “astractions.”

And I’m convinced that the enemy is satisfied when he keeps us distracted. He prefers to keep us idle and caught up in the busywork so we can’t lengthen our gaze and our focus to the greater One.

In Mark 4, the Message version, we read,

“He (being Jesus) went back to teaching by the sea. A crowd built up to such a great size that he had to get into an offshore boat, using the boat as a pulpit as the people pushed to the water’s edge. He taught by using stories, many stories.

“Listen. What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn’t put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it. Some fell on good earth and came up with a flourish, producing a harvest exceeding his wildest dreams.

“Are you listening to this? Really listening?”

When they were off by themselves, those who were close to him, along with the Twelve, asked about the stories. He told them, “You’ve been given insight into God’s kingdom—you know how it works. But to those who can’t see it yet, everything comes in stories, creating readiness, nudging them toward receptive insight. These are people—

Whose eyes are open but don’t see a thing,

Whose ears are open but don’t understand a word,

Who avoid making an about-face and getting forgiven.”

He continued, “Do you see how this story works? All my stories work this way.

“The farmer plants the Word. Some people are like the seed that falls on the hardened soil of the road. No sooner do they hear the Word than Satan snatches away what has been planted in them.

“And some are like the seed that lands in the gravel. When they first hear the Word, they respond with great enthusiasm. But there is such shallow soil of character that when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.

*This is what I want you to catch—Verses 18-19:

“The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard, and nothing comes of it.

“But the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it, and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams.”

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a person where seeds are planted in good earth! God has a word for you and for me. He has something He is trying to teach us every. single. day. He is pruning our character, and if we’re too busy scrolling on social media or so busy with all our activities or our kids activities or whatever else it may be occupying our time…I’m afraid we might be missing something.

If you’re anything like me, you almost wear your busyness as a badge of honor. The more I do, the more I accomplish, the more affirmations I get from others, the more people I please—I think I must be living right! After all, I am a wife, I am a mother, I have a ministry, I’m taking college courses and I take on so many more commitments…I’ve got it all together…right?

Don’t get me wrong…these are all good things and they do deserve my best effort, but they’re fruitless if I’m not taking time to lessen the distractions and hear from Him. 

In Romans 12:2, we read,

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I’m convinced that a very big pattern of this world that we live in is b.u.s.y.n.e.s.s.
Now, you might not be in the same season of life as me, and maybe you’re sitting there thinking, “Been there, done that. I don’t struggle with busyness. I get up every day and have a nice, HOT cup of coffee (that I never have to re-heat…) and have my quiet time for approximately 3 hours every single morning!” And if that is you, I am happy for you! Also, are you free to babysit?

No, but really, distractions come in all shapes and sizes and in every season of life. I want to encourage you, and myself too, to aim to lessen them a bit.

I mentioned my daughter Ruby earlier. And the preschool she attends has different songs and videos they show and teach her. Now, I’m pretty strict about YouTube and I don’t let her have it free reign very often, (mostly because the commercials are crazy!!) but she has watched different videos on there that she really likes.

Side note – What is this phenomenon with kids watching other kids play with toys?!

Anyway, she really loves the little kid makeup tutorials, where the girls are getting all dolled up and they show you how to put on makeup. On this day, she asked me to turn on the fruits of the spirit video that they had shown at preschool. So, as I’m clicking through the videos she says, “I can’t look….because if I see a makeup show, I’m going to want to watch it!”

She says that because she doesn’t want to be tempted! She knows where her weaknesses are and I’m convinced that as adults, we need to be more aware of ours.

I literally have do to the same thing with myself in the morning. I roll over to check my phone and immediately click on text messages, email, Facebook or Instagram. I’ve had to almost quite literally cover my eyes and say, “If I see these things, I’m going to be distracted and not give my first moments to Him.”

Just recently, I had a day off and I made the mistake of checking my email first and getting frustrated about a situation. It completely changed the trajectory of my day. 

I was having one of those cruddy, down in the dumps days, and I was feeling a lot of opposition. I stayed in my pajamas all day and wasn’t super productive. I mean, I kept 2 humans alive, but you know what I mean. So finally, about 5 o’clock, I decided to shower so I could get around. In that shower, I realized why my day had been cruddy and I had felt so defeated…

It’s because I hadn’t checked in with my Father. I hadn’t looked to Him to fill my cup and speak truth over my life. I had actually plain forgotten to have quiet time.

Now, hear me out, every day is not going to be perfect and we don’t need to have quiet time as something to just check off a to-do list. I believe He meets us where we are and His grace is overflowing for us. But I do want to encourage you to lessen the distractions and hear His voice above all the other noise. You could do this by spending a few moments in prayer before your feet hit the floor, or pray with your kiddos on the way to school or as you walk them to the bus stop, or read a verse before you start the day. Ask Him to show up throughout your day. Ask Him to show up in the distractions and through the distractions.

If you are reading this and you’re a mother, I truly do believe it is one of the most beautiful relationships that God grants us.

Did you know that studies have shown that hearing your mom’s voice reduces a key stress hormone and releases oxytocin, the feel-good brain chemical in our heads? As mother’s, we have the unique privilege and responsibility of speaking into our children’s lives!

I know as a Mom, God shows up most in my children.

If you have children who are still living at home, I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” My prayer is that we aren’t too busy that we are missing out of this season of motherhood and that everyday we feel equipped as mothers with these huge blessings God entrusted to us.

If you’re doubting yourself, don’t. Your children were ordained to be yours before the world even began. God sees you. He knows the intimate details of your life and your children’s lives. You are the only mama equipped to raise those babies. Lessen those distractions, hear from Your creator & stay the course!

If you have children who are grown, I want to leave you with this, “A mother holds her daughter’s hand every step of the way on this journey called life.” Whether we are 3, 13, 30 or 58, we will always need and value our mama’s and we are so thankful for you.

My prayer today and everyday is that we are able to lessen our distractions and lengthen our gaze to Him as mother’s and above all as children of God.

Perhaps we were created for such a time as this.
Taylor

You guys, being a Momma is hard. Being a stay at home Momma is hard. Being a working Momma is hard. Today, I was away from my babies and when I left, I could tell it was going to be one of those days for Ruby. She was having a lot of what we call “moments.” Moments where maybe we aren’t quite making the right choices. 

Tonight, as I was getting her squared away for bed, we were talking about her day with her sister, cousins and Granny. She was explaining in her 4 year old way that she is a good girl but she just wasn’t that good today…and she doesn’t really know why. Reese (her cousin) was good. Amelia (her sister) was being good. But she just wasn’t really that good. 

Isn’t that just like all of us though? We have our “moments.” We aren’t so good, and we don’t really know why sometimes. We say, do or think things and then look back on our days and wonder why?! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Why did I react that way? Why did I lash out that way? Why did I think that? While I believe it’s always important to figure out what’s triggering these type of reactions & actions in our lives, some days I come to the realization that I have no idea why I did or said the things I did…and I’m just not that good. 

The best news I have is that once we recognize how “not good” we are, we can take it to the feet of Jesus. We can admit our shortcomings and our mistakes. And once we ask for forgiveness, we can try better tomorrow. That’s the beauty of His grace. And if you’re like me, maybe you’ll learn a little lesson from a 4 year old and say a simple, childlike prayer: “I ask for forgiveness cuz Reese was gooder and I’m so sorry. Sometimes I lie and I don’t know why and I’m so sorry, God.” And He will lovingly accept that prayer and wash away the sins from you and me, too. Thank you, Jesus! 

…and then you can roll over and be as joyful as a 4 year old and have a carefree conversation with your stuffed animals until you fall asleep in peace. 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken the time to sit down and write what’s on my heart. As we are preparing for an upcoming event called Made Known: A Community Gathering For Pregnancy and Infant Loss, it’s hard to describe the sea of emotions I’ve been feeling. Forgive me if this post has no logical order or sequence…sometimes pouring out your heart doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it’s healing nonetheless.

We just passed the due date of our second baby and as I sit here and think about all of that, I’m somehow blessed to be carrying our third baby. The world will see this baby girl as our second child, and that’s okay. But I will forever remember the short time I spent carrying our actual second child. Nothing can really prepare you for that type of loss. It’s one of those things you only imagine happening to somebody else. “That’ll never happen to me…” “My family doesn’t have a history of loss, so I can’t imagine me being the first…”

As soon as you find out you’re pregnant, your Momma-heart grows and dreams about all that baby will be. You start wondering what he or she will look like, sound like, what they’ll grow up to become. Will he or she have their Daddy’s cute nose and Momma’s blue eyes? I wonder if they’ll be athletic or more clumsy like our first born?

There’s an unspeakable joy when you and your spouse find out you’re expecting.

Then, one day, something goes terribly wrong. I think one of the hardest things about experiencing our loss was the two separate times we saw that little heart beating on the screen. That baby was alive, but somehow, he just didn’t make it. I say “he” because we felt like that sweet pea was a boy and it was comforting for us to refer to him as one. It made his short little life more real for our family. It makes when our precious little girl talks about him being up in Heaven more real, too.

When you find out you’re pregnant after experiencing loss, there’s no real way to describe the joy, fear, anxiety, or awe that comes along with it. You’re a little more apprehensive every time you use the restroom, or feel a tinge of pain in your abdomen. You’re a little more hesitant to talk about it so openly knowing what could potentially happen again. You’re a little more scared to allow yourself reckless love towards this new life. But, if you’re pregnant after a loss like me, I just want to encourage you to love like there’s no tomorrow; it’s okay to love so hard it hurts. And sweet friend, it’s okay to allow yourself peace and joy yet still be able to shed tears about what you’ve lost.

When you experience a pregnancy loss, at least for me, the emotions still come in waves. You can’t predict them and you can’t control them. As I prepared a video to be shown this morning at church, I watched it multiple times…edited the clips…showed it to the staff. My heart pounded as I listened to the women, but I don’t remember crying last week. But guess what? As it was shown today in church, the tears flowed. And, that. is. okay. Somedays it hits harder than others. Sometimes it’s really difficult to be vulnerable and share those deep, intimate wounds. Despite the pain and the tears that will flow on May 12, I do know, without a doubt, that the Ultimate Healer will be present and He is always willing to catch every tear shed.

I’m so thankful that when our little baby opened his eyes, the first thing He saw was the face of Jesus. Until I get to meet our second baby face to face, I’ll trust that God has this whole thing under control and I will continue to praise Him for this new life as we prepare for “Baby Number 2.”

We’re in this together.
-Taylor.

 

**If you have experienced infant or pregnancy loss, I want to personally invite you to Made Known on May 12 at Charley Creek Gardens in Wabash, Indiana. Made Known is an event created to acknowledge the babies in our community who were MADE by God, KNOWN by their parents and will be MADE KNOWN through remembering and honoring their short, but significant lives.**

TO RSVP TO THE EVENT, CLICK HERE: https://bachelorcreek.typeform.com/to/gLhY1n

Recently we joined together with some special people. Every otherWednesday we get together with our small group. We are currently going through the book of James. This particular evening, we talked about James 3:1-12:

“Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We

all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creature

s are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

The first discussion question was, “What would you name a blog post about this?” Do you know what immediately came to mind? “Tame thattongue, girl.” Because, it NEEDS to happen. Going through this portion of scripture with these people, at this time, was not a coincidence. No, God wanted to make sure we were listening, to make sure I was listening.

Sometimes we underestimate Satan and his plot against us. He strategizes how he can use us. He can use our tongues for pure evil. Maybe this happens by letting a curse word slip, maybe it’s speaking negatively about somebody else, maybe it’s spreading gossip that isn’t yours to spread, maybe it’s yelling at that person who doesn’t know how to drive. Whatever it may be, we’ve got to recognize where this is coming from (Satan) and we’ve got to turn to Him to get. a. grip.

We’re in a battle, friends. And EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. we’ve got to give the reign of our tongues over to the One who has supreme authority.

We are in this together,
Taylor

Life can be brutal. It’s a fact. There are many difficult circumstances that have radically changed our lives and even completely changed who we are. Personally, I have faced many of these circumstances as you might have as well, and I’d love to share some of my story with you all.

In my younger teen years, my older and only sister was diagnosed with Leukemia. This took our family completely by surprise, and our lives were forever changed. Although she is completely healthy now (praise God!), each one of us has become a new person out of this journey, and it was hard see how anyone could relate to us even those with similar stories. We had a wonderful church that supported us through it all, but it was still difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel when we were all struggling to get through each and every day. People always said, “Trust in God!” or, “You’re not alone. God is with you through it all!” But honestly, there were times when that was the hardest idea to believe and accept even though it should have been our most comforting one.

Now, my story has continued to change and mold me. As I have written in my previous blog post and for those who already know, I have been struggling greatly with depression, anxiety, and more mental health issues that I’d rather not mention at this time (thank you for your understanding). For a person who is naturally outgoing, optimistic, and loving, this was really hard for me to accept and deal with. I felt as if the real Emily no longer existed in times. Days were hard to get through. School felt impossible to go to even though school was my favorite. I struggled to spend time with friends and be “happy.” Through it all, I felt very guilty for feeling this way and did not understand why God would want me when I kept clinging to my doubts, feelings, and Satan himself. I was utterly ashamed and felt like I was alone. God did not want me right? Why would God want to be with someone who struggles in faith on a day to day basis? How was I supposed to trust in God while feeling this way? God wouldn’t even want me to trust in Him. He’s perfect and can’t relate to me. Where is God? I had convinced myself that I was alone and that God did not truly know or care for me. This was even more so my destruction.

A while ago, I had come across the beautiful Psalms 42, and it had just recently came to mind once again. In this passage, the author is crying out to God in pain struggling to stay alive in life. I felt as if the out cry of this psalm was also my outcry in life. This psalm says,

“As a deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God…. Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, ‘Where is this God of yours?’ My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be…. Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God…. ‘O God my rock,’ I cry, ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around grief, oppressed by my enemies?’ Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, ‘Where is this God of yours?’ Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!”

This is only a few pieces here and there of this psalm (I highly recommend you check it out fully for yourself!). Even though I felt as if I completely related to this psalm, there was one difference: I believed the lies of the enemy and did not hold on to the truth of God. I believed that God did not understand me, that He did not want me, that I was broken and truly alone. Satan took advantage of my brokenness by telling me, “Where is your God? He’s not here. He can’t help you; you’re too broken.” Have you ever believed this? I know I surely did. But the real truth is is that God walks with me; He knows my suffering more than I feel it myself. He feels every single ounce of sorrow and despair I feel that I thought no one understood. It isn’t some hunkydory fairytale where I get sad and then God and I frolic through fields of flowers until I feel better. No. This isn’t the truth. The truth is real and raw and unpleasant. In other words, it ain’t pretty! God is suffering with me and He suffers with you too. This is the last string of hope we have in our helplessness. Instead of feeling unworthy and alone, be comforted in the fact that God is not only walking beside you, but He is also braving the storm with and within you.

In Isaiah 63:9 it says, “In all of their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years.”

Even if we have the smallest of hope in our Father, that’s all it takes for Him to carry us through the worst times of our lives. He knows you. He feels what you feel. And most of all, the most powerful force that has ever existed is within you.

I hope and pray that God will make himself evident in your life and whatever season you are in. Please never forget, my dear sister, that you are seriously not alone.

In His Love,
Emily<3
His power is made perfect in my weakness.

I joked once that if I ever wrote a book this would be the title! Of course 10% of that title is tongue-n-cheek, and the other 90% is truly my life. Let me explain, I am a wife and mother to 4 young kids: 11, 9, 7, & 4. I work as a mental health therapist in a high school and middle school, and offer private practice sessions when school is out during the summer break. I get to write for online women’s organizations, and travel to speak to youth, their parents, and women’s ministries. I have worked hard and I continue to strive for balance and intentionality with my family and career. But here’s the reality: balance is impossible, intentionality is momentary, and good intentions don’t play puzzles with my kids when I get home from work. I fail and I fail hard! Here’s where my mantra of Medication, Caffeine and Jesus come into play!

Let me start with the most controversial topic first, the use of psychotropic medication. As a disclaimer I am speaking purely for myself and I am not advocating for anyone to start or stop taking medication unless recommended by a doctor. That being said, I think there is a huge stigma for us as disciples of Christ that using medicine is a sign that our faith is not as strong as someone who doesn’t take medicine. Not only is this a fallible statement, but is dangerous. Science has finally caught up to what God has been telling us since the Fall: We are all broken and in need of a Savior in every facet.

There are now scans of our brains that show that individuals who have depression and anxiety truly have a different brain and chemical imbalances. For me I developed postpartum depression and anxiety after my first child. And though I had gone seasons with and without medication for the next 10 years, I came to accept that at least for now, I am much more in control of my emotions and thoughts when I have the help of a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) or anti-depressant. I have absolutely no shame in admitting my need for a medicine that eliminates my panic attacks and reduces depressive thoughts; however I do hope for a time when I can do life without the help of a medication. If that time never comes, then I will continue to accept this as a reality for me.

The use of medication doesn’t take away the stress that we all have in our lives. We all have stress, and we all have coping mechanisms. What ways are you coping with stress? Is it with food, social media, books/tv, relationships, activities? Our brains are designed to be stimulated, and when we find something that does, we get the reward card and stamp it often!

For me, it’s caffeine. My choice of caffeine is in conjunction with sugar, Coca-Cola! I’m telling you right now, my idea of heaven involves one of those fancy fountain machines that not only have Coke, but you can specify which coke you want: vanilla, cherry, to even orange (which is just weird, but lets just focus on the plank in my eye!). Caffeine has a way of helping us focus, to keep us energized, and motivated. Sugar hits the pleasure area in our brains, making us feel happy.

The down side, is both chemical reactions is temporary and can leave us more tired than before our initial use. Although, if we use caffeine and sugar in moderation, along with a diet filled with proteins, vitamins and minerals, a healthy balance can be found. Having a Coke for me is a reward. It’s like my time-out from life. We all need something that allows us a time-out, a reward, and something that helps us, even if momentarily, focus on something other than our stress.

And finally, and most importantly, I have to have Jesus! Just give me Jesus as the song says. So much truth in that statement! Since the Fall of man, we have been seeking wholeness, joy and purpose in our lives. We have a deep hunger to find those things, which often leads to finding them in counterfeit places this world has to offer. And though we know cognitively that the only place to find peace, to find completion, is in JESUS, we are constantly settling for whatever comes easiest. And sisters, following Jesus will never be the easiest option.

When we do seek Him, when we ask for His strength and His wisdom, though not always easy, it will always be satisfying. I’ll be the first to admit, that though I attempt, I do not do daily devotionals, nor have a good prayer life. There are days that I forget all my blessings come from Him, or that He is not a genie in the bottle who grants wishes.

Here’s what I do know, I cannot do life without Him. I know when I do spend those moments reading verses, singing worship songs, and studying works by the likes of Nouwen and Lewis, that I do feel infinitely lighter, more in control of my emotions and thoughts, and filled with more compassion for those around me.

Do I envision God looking down on me when I don’t spend time with Him in disappointment? No, I envision Him like a parent who knows if only I took the antibiotic I would finally start feeling better!

If only I would be more intentional with my time, spending it refreshing and empowering my spirit, life would become more manageable. I could make decisions in confidence, and I could invest in all my relationships without feeling completely drained.

I don’t want this to imply that if only I would be more consistent in my time with God I would be able to abstain from medication and caffeine. Instead, I believe that when we draw close to Him in relationship, life becomes more focused and sharper like after getting a new prescription of glasses. Though our journey will still involve pain, a life lived with Christ becomes more clarified and purpose becomes more defined.

So for me its medication, caffeine, and Jesus, what’s it take for you to truly get through the day?!

As I rolled out of bed this morning, already late (curse that dang snooze button), I began my day already in a sad and depressive mood. I worried that it would be another day that I had to battle my depression and anxiety yet again. Even though I was once excited to go to chapel this morning, I struggled to find pleasure in one of the places that I feel close to God. Despite this, I knew the one way to conquer my feelings was to continue to worship through the pain, which I did.

As I continued in my typical Tuesday, God sent little blessings here and there, such as my friends, to cheer me up for a moment, then to go back into my spiraling, thought tornado that plagued my mind. I kept thinking about how tired I was of fighting these wars everyday in my head and continually losing or coming out weaker. I asked God throughout the day, “Why am I feeling this pain? Why can’t I be my normal self? Why do I hurt all of the time? Is there a purpose to my pain?” I felt no response from him for most of the day until I was driving to my dreaded therapy session for the week.

God spoke to me. He reminded me of a chapel I had attended just two weeks ago called “The Breakthrough.” The speaker was a very goofy, God fearing man named Terry Blackford, one of Anderson University’s very own. He brought up the life of a monarch butterfly. He said that this butterfly was the only butterfly that would migrate over 30,000 miles to get to its destination. Can you imagine? Being that small and yet strong enough to travel that far? In order for that butterfly to get THAT strong it had a long journey to get there. You see, the monarch butterfly had to struggle, endure pain, hardships, and face the worst times of its life in order to finally breakthrough its cocoon and be strong enough to fly those long miles. He said we all have our own cocoons in life, and we have three options.

1. We fight and give up, stuck in our cocoon. This leads to death and even more hardship than we have ever faced before.

2. We could cry out for help. Someone could cut us out and “save” us too early before we are truly ready. This causes us to be extraordinarily weak an unable to withstand the hardships of life leading ultimately to death.

3. Finally we can fight, and I mean fight hard, relying on God to be with us in our suffering, eventually leading to our own breakthrough. It is in this that God uses us and prepares us for. To save lives, nations, and even the world.

In the passage Hebrews 11:22 it talks about Joseph’s story and his faith. You see, Joseph’s brothers plotted to kill him, sold him into slavery, and was thrown into a horrendous prison for many years. But it was in this time that God was with Joseph, suffering with him and helping to mold who he came to be. God opened doors for Jospeh to be the Pharaoh’s second hand man, but this wasn’t his breakthrough yet. It was when God used Joseph’s gifts to save not only the people he helped rule over but the many other nations including his very own family’s nation. This was the breakthrough.

After all this pain and suffering that we face on a day to day basis is all apart of Gods plan for our lives and our very own breakthrough; God will use us for far more greater things than we can comprehend, but we must first fight and get stronger relying on God through it all. This isn’t about some cliche saying, “ What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” NO! This is far more deeper and complex than that. It’s not just the breakthrough we are looking at. It’s the journey that got us there in the first place!

And as I was sitting in my car, ready to let the tears of sadness overflow, I was reminded that my pain isn’t for nothing. It has purpose. It is molding me. It is drawing me near to God. And ultimately it is leading me to my own breakthrough. I hope and pray that you remember that God is Good, and he is leading YOU to your very own breakthrough.

Always remember that His power is made perfect in my weakness.

in His love,

Emily ❤

Oswald Chambers said, “When we are abandoned to God, He works through us all the time.” I’ve been in a bit of a hard place recently. Not a dark place or a hopeless place, for which I am grateful, but a hard place nonetheless. Because God has chosen to allow me to live in this hard place, at least for now, my prayers have been punctuated by sometimes desperate pleas for strength. My head knows the truth but my heart has been feeling like these prayers are falling on deaf ears. Then 11 Chronicles 16:9. Really? I mean who reads Chronicles. But what a gem of a verse. “The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him”. Hearts FULLY committed experience God’s strength. Oh Lord, I want to be committed to you fully. Even in hard times. So I can experience the miracle of your strength and joyFULLY trust You.